ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
