nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
