two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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