I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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