Are we in a gay sports bar?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
