dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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