I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
