filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
