Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
