Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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