You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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