if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
