did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you win again, gameday.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
