I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
