I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
