yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
