entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
