So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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