you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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