Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
