My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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