I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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