why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
should my penis look like a turkey
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
