Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
