Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
