I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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