get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
