Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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