i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
