I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
