Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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