broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
