I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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