Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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