She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
