Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
