Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
