my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
