i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my poor anus
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm bleeding and have questions
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
