new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
