I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
