the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
