i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
