I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I currently don't understand fingers.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
