I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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