Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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