I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
