i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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