So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
