Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
