K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
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Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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