Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
