Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
