I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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