i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
