I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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