i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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