how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
