I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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