his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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