well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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