As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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