I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
