Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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