Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
