i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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