Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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