i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
