in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize