I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
