I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im holly from the hills drunk
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.