Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP