1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?