I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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This baby is an asshole
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life